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T H E P E A R L Y G A T E S
Three men die and go to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them that Heaven's quota has been reached, and he can only admit one of them. After much discussion, it is decided that the man with the most interesting death will be admitted. The first man goes into St. Peter's office and tells his story: "Well, I was convinced my wife was having an affair. I came home from work early one day just to try and catch her in the act. When I got home, she was in the shower...I was SURE there was a man in my apartment. I looked EVERYWHERE, but couldn't find anyone. Then I heard a noise out on the balcony, (We're on the 20th floor, you know), so I went out to have a look. Sure enough, there's a guy out there hanging over the edge!!! I'm incensed!! I want to kill him!! I stomp on his fingers, but he won't fall, so I go get my hammer. After whacking his fingers a few times, he finnaly lets go, and falls 20 stories....into the bushes...and GETS UP!!! He's not even hurt!! I still wanna kill him, so I look for the heaviest object I can find. I decide on the refrigerator. I push it off the balcony, it falls on him and kills him. When I confront my wife, she convinces me that she had no idea he was out there, and I've killed an innocent man. In a fit of remorse, I shoot myself" St. Peter says:"Well!! That IS unusual, but we'll see what the others have to say" The second man comes in and tells his story:"I had just bought some new weightlifting equipment. I try to lift more weight than I really can, and lose my balance. I trip over the coffee table, and stumble right out of my balcony door, and over the edge. I fall a couple of stories, reach out in desperation, and manage to grab the edge of another balcony. I'm hanging there wondering what will happen next, when this guy comes out and starts screaming something about his wife. He stomps on my fingers, but I won't let go. Then he comes back with a hammer and whacks my fingers. I can't hold on and fall. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die, but I land in some bushes and bounce right up. I can't believe it!!! I'm ALIVE!!! Then I see this strange shadow, and I look up, and....a REFRIGERATOR falls on me, and kills me!! Can you believe that???" "Hmmmm" says St. Peter, "Yes, I can, and that IS pretty unusual, but I still need to talk to the last man" The last man comes in and tells his story. "So", he says, "Picture this. There you are, naked, hiding in a refrigerator.........." |
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